I always knew I wanted children from a young age. I remember giving them names, and declaring, I shall have two boys.
My marriage was all worked out too in my mind; I would be the perfect housewife. My husband would be hard-working, and would come home to find the house immaculate. The kids would run to meet him as he drove up the driveway while I put the finishing touches to our evening meal.
Needless to say, that is not my reality today. I am a mother to a boy and girl. I am separated from my husband and I'm not a house wife. I am a nurse - working daily, and coming home to cook and clean, do housework etc..
I share my children with my husband, in the sense that he has them some days, and I have them the majority of the time.
As I sit and reflect on my life , I can't help and think: what happened? Where did I go wrong? I have been playing the same tape recorder in my mind for a very long time.However I have finally decided to stop looking at my past and move forward. It is hard to move forward whilst always looking back.
I am blessed to have two healthy, beautiful and gifted children. There are many women out there are not able to conceive and would give their right arm for what I have.
My children have to go between two homes which can be hard at times but they have parents who love them dearly and are invested in their future. I miss them when they are with their dad, but that time alone has allowed me to figure out some things about myself. I have rediscovered my hobbies. I have rejuvenated in their absence and prepare for their return - the school runs, after school activities and demands that come with having children.
I am not the housewife I planned but I have learnt life skills from my job, such as time and money management, conflict resolution and computer skills.
The last one has been the hardest - but the one I have gained my freedom from: my ex- husband is finally free to pursue the life he has always wanted. It does hurt that it does not include me, but I would rather he finds happiness than be miserable and stay with me.
The Oxford dictionary defines perspective as a particular attitude toward a way of regarding: a point of view, outlook, viewpoint.
We do not have control over our circumstances, but we can control the way we respond to our circumstances.
I choose to live fully , to love dearly and to begin again.
Due to the sensitive nature of this article, this Australian single mother author has chosen to remain anonymous. Certain facts have been changed to protect the identities of any parties concerned.
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