It was after the relationship ended and the fog cleared that I realised I had been in a toxic, abusive relationship with a covert narcissist – a single mum’s story of her fight to keep her kids safe
Never in my wildest dreams would I believe that things could be so much worse after separation. With absolutely no one to turn to and no support agency to help with the trauma of an abusive relationship, I was now facing the fact that I had to fight for my own children to be in my life.
I constantly have to defend myself from a barrage of false allegations, and it seems like I am the only one on my side. I continuously have to prove I am a good mum, whilst the evidence of all that the abuser does is conveniently swept away.
Never would I have believed that those in positions of power to help, such as police, legal aid, victims of crime and the courts, would perpetuate the abuse against my family and I also.
These people simply don’t care and some of them go out of their way to make the situation far, far worse. The gaslighting, the emotional, and psychological abuse, including financial abuse and coercive control through the court systems.
I am a 38 year old woman who was in a relationship for 7 years. We have two children, a daughter now 4, and a daughter aged 7. We have been separated 6 years, nearly as long as the relationship itself, and the abuse and coercive control is escalating every year.
I felt safer and more able to appease him when we were together, as at least I could keep an eye on the children. If I knew what I know now, I may have never left as it would have been better to be beat up every now and then, compared to the 6 years of hell my children and I have been through at the hands of that man.
The abuser has more rights than the children and the victims. They have a right to see and have custody of their children even while harming them. They have the right to refuse to pay child support or further support the children, but don’t you dare not let him see his kids or try and protect the children from the abuse. You are then seen as a crazy mother who “can’t emotionally cope”.
The children’s father has not paid child support for his kids, not paid their school fees or provided for them, but instead paid $500,000 to a lawyer to try and destroy me, and in turn destroyed his own children’s precious childhood. All they know is fighting, court, police coming to the home, and being used as a pawn in a dysfunctional marriage breakdown.
How is it possible to spend $500,000 on lawyers, yet a Judge can not make him support his children?
How is it that I am threatened with arrest if I withhold my children for their safety, but if the father simply does not turn up to collect the children, then there is nothing the court can do?
How is it, if the father does not actually pay child support, but my Centrelink payments are still reduced, causing even further financial hardship for the children and mother – as Centrelink just deems the money is received, even if it isn’t?
How can a person have a current domestic violence order in place, yet send the victim a death threat that they will kill her and that is not a breach?
This is why we will always have woman and children going murdered in the street in broad daylight as police and the legal system has no power in serving and protecting woman and children.
There is no accountability for anybody’s actions and until there is, one woman a week will continue to be murdered at the hands of their ex-partner.
How can we claim to be a civilised nation when police do not charge abusers with abusing their victims? This is why we will always have woman and children murdered in the street in broad daylight, as police and the legal system have no power serving and protecting women and children. There is no accountability for anybody’s actions and until there is, one woman a week will continue to be murdered at the hands of their ex-partner.
After 7 years of legal system abuse and coercive control my ex simply abducted the children from my front yard – and I haven’t seen them since.
Coercive control through the legal system is the new DV of the 21st century.
An Australian single mum’s story – names and other details have been changed to protect this mother